The Ride or His Hand

Do you ever feel like you are on a roller coaster that is never ending? Eventually you get to a point during the ride where you've exhausted all of your emotions and have just become numb. Life goes on, but your mind is on auto pilot and your heart turning cold. You've given up trying to control and just given in to what appears to be the easiest, or simplest, way out....you know....the most convenient for that moment in time. The way that requires the least motivation, strength, courage and energy. After all, that is just about gone after being on the ride for so long.  But is it???

The truth: Yes, OUR motivation, strength, courage and energy can run out, be depleted and cease to exist.  BUT God's doesn't! Never! 

"It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure."  Psalm 18:32

I've been riding this roller coaster for the last two months. My highs and lows weren't extreme at first, and I believe I even got off the ride once or twice. However, lately it's been up and down and up and down and the hills keep getting bigger. It started with kids fighting, then a daughter who refused to poop, then a dog who is ill, then myself having pains, then the letter about our paperwork; which lead to exhaustion, letting things slide, not keeping up with housework or friendships or devotions and eventually it hit me....I was numb. I wanted to cry, but couldn't. I wanted to feel, but couldn't. You get the idea. 

But I can't feel this way right now. I don't have time. I have a daughter awaiting me in Haiti. I need. to. press. on.  SIGH!  

So here we are, beginning our next fundraiser and so many questions and doubts have entered my mind. Why have I even allowed them there? Because I chose the most convenient, simplest way to 'get off the ride'. Because I believed my strength, courage, motivation and energy were nearly gone. Because I thought it too would pass and I just need to press on.  WELL, some of that is true, but when we do all of that in our own strength and will, we eventually find ourselves hitting the same wall, over and over and over again. 

God. He is so good. He has been so patient and so gentle and proven His love surpasses all. He has placed pockets of hope in my week and slowly rejuvenated me. He has shone his light brighter, to draw me back to looking at His face and being able to forget about that ride.  Hope this week came through being reunited with a high school friend, moving forward with plans for our fundraiser*, songs coming to mind that strengthen me, children's laughter and singing/dancing with my children.  

Each morning I have a choice. Do I hop back on that ride and see where it takes me? OR do I hold God's hand and let Him guide me. Yesterday morning I chose God. I awoke just feeling down, defeated, lost and useless. I was discouraged by the littlest things in just a short amount of time. I was overwhelmed. Completely overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed by Big Daddy Weave. Have you heard that song? Well it suddenly flooded my head. Over and over and over again the parts I knew repeated themselves. I felt bombarded and I was....with truth from God. HE had the power and authority to overwhelm me, with his presence and strength and courage and love. HE was willing to do that for me if I just asked. So I did. I prayed Lord please overwhelm me with you today. I just long to be in your presence. In all I do today, may I see you, feel you and know you are there. Amen. 

Yesterday was the BEST day I have had in quite some time! I had such joy and peace and I was able to cry again, to express emotions that had been bottled up, numbed or however you want to put it. And then, and THEN I got in my car to leave and do you know what song was playing on the radio....Overwhelmed!!! I cried. I'm crying now. It feels good. 

Daily struggles will always remain, but my God can overwhelm each and every day if I just invite him into that space. So, I'm going to press on but with God. I'm going to allow him to replace the daily battles with His goodness. I'm going to forget about the other adoption facebook page that has recieved 3x as many likes as ours (in just a matter of days) and I'm going to believe that God has already lit a fire in the those who have and will continue to support us through this journey. We have said YES to adopt and although the journey has barely begun, I know that it means SO much more than just bringing a child home. So, thank you for supporting us. Thank you for supporting adoption. May you be overwhelmed by God's presence today!

Here is a link to the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiGb14tTaH4  (This video just stirred my heart that much more for my Haitian daughter. How I long to hold her. )

*To learn more about our next fundraiser, Meant To Be 5K, visit our Facebook page, Carrington Family Adoption. Don't forget to join the event and LIKE our page so you can get all the updates. If feel led, share with others too! Again, Thank You!