Another piece of my heart is gone

Seeing her face again. Hearing that giggle. Her sweet voice and sassy moves. It was wonderful. Beautiful. And yet, painful.  I knew our time would go quick and I'd have to leave her again. I struggled to allow myself to feel anything in order to protect my heart as it was still healing. Yet I knew, this was part of that healing process. But it wasn't just her. Each child and adult that we had contact with the first time around also moved my heart. I didn't realize how much of me was left behind. As we hugged them all, shared smiles and hugs, and just looked at each other knowing we were so grateful to meet again I realized our family had grown. They all cared They were all so concerned about our well being. All while they continued to live in less than desirable conditions. But this was their home and they welcomed us right back with open arms, as family. And as we left Haiti a second time, another piece of my heart was left behind.

When we first began this adoption journey we knew it was going to go beyond adopting. That the adoption was just a first step to something so much greater. As we look back on all that we've already gone through, it's hard to imagine what the 'more' might be. However, after experiencing what I described above, there's no doubt God has way more in store for us and Haiti!

So, the details of this trip. Well, we stayed at the Karibe resort. It was nice, cozy, spacious and had a hot shower! Hallelujah! Grant, Drew and Jayla joined us this time and were so excited. Drew and Jayla had never flown before. Their first flight and it was out of the country!

The weather wasn't quite as hot this time which was nice. Bergeline was thrilled to see Jason and I, but was a little unsure about the kids at first. Not uncommon and actually expected. She had only seen them in pictures and videos. As we introduced them we could tell she recalled Jayla most. It didn't take long and they were all playing. She connected with each one in a unique way and it was such a blessing to see the relationships begin. Although last fall we had discussed taking another trip and bringing these three, we weren't really sure if it would happen. Due to the circumstances of having to return and the timing of it, God worked out the details to take them. I was so glad we didn't let fear hold us back! Even the social worker seemed impressed. Now they're all arguing about who can return when we bring her home. These children have been waiting just as long as I have and it was obvious their emotions were stirring. By day 2 they started to get emotional. I'm sure some was the heat and varied routine, but I know it was overwhelming to finally meet their sister  and also see another culture at the same time. It was harder on them than I expected and I was glad the trip was short for their sake.

It was so wonderful to see all of the kids again. Several of them looked at me and said, malad? I said no, no malad (sick). They all knew what had happened. This brought comfort to my heart. They knew we didn't just leave them without saying goodbye. And yet, when the time came to leave this trip, I still didn't get to hug them all and say good bye like I would've liked. Oh those sweet children. So many personalities, so much love, so much need.

While there is so much more I could say, I'm not sure I can quite put it into words at this time. God is good. All the time. He provided all that we desired and more on this trip. It was quite humbling, but just the love I needed to continue to heal. We pray he moves the mountains once again for B's paperwork to move on, along with the many other families we've connected with along the way who are also waiting for their next step.

Do It Again by Elevation Worship is a song that I heard just days before we got the approval to return to Haiti. It speaks of God's promises and gives us hope that he will do what he has said he will! He will not fail us. In the song it speaks of moving mountains, a prayer Jayla and I prayed often in 2018. Going back to the day we got the call for Bergeline, we looked up the meaning of her name. The shorter version, Bergen, means mountain dweller. How beautiful that our specific prayer was to move the mountains out of the way so we could meet her.

God does these things for us all the time! When we trust in Him he gives us glimpses of hope to hold onto and help us through. The day before we left, Drew completed his third show in a play. He and I hung around afterward to help clean up and enjoy some food and fellowship. I met 3 amazing moms that day! In brief conversation with them I mentioned needing to get home to pack for Haiti and explained we'd be going to see our daughter. They inquired about her age and I shared how her and Jayla would be the same age for 2.5 months. 'Like Irish twins' one of them said. I was taken back and asked what she meant. She said Irish twins are siblings who are born so close together that they overlap age for a short period. You guys....that first day I prayed about adoption, in November 2013, when God led us to adopt from Haiti, he reminded me of my prayers while I was pregnant with Jayla. I prayed for twins, girl twins. I jotted that down in my notebook that day. We had always held onto that thinking whoever we were matched with would have the same birthday as Jayla. So quick to put God in a box. Irish twins I will have! Thank you Lord!

Okay, I guess I had a few more words to share. If you made it this far, thanks for holding on! Love you all!