“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him." Jeremiah 17:7
"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
I am trying to hold onto these promises from God. I should be calling on Him more, laying it all down more often and continuing to move forward in His presence. Shouldn't we all? Sometimes its just not that easy. Our human emotions get the best of us and we doubt, we curse, we cry, we hate, we pound our fists and scream! OR we curl up in a ball, shove the feelings deep down and pretend to move forward. I'm pretty sure I've done all of the above. But what I am feeling now is new to me. In fact, God has been using my emotions (which I tend to show freely) to move me closer to Him. It seems every time I get incredibly emotional, easily cry or anxiety hits a high God is clearly calling me. You may recall my emotional roller coaster in October that led me to seek the Lord in November (upon guidance from a colleague as well). In these emotional moments, where I feel completely out of control, at the same time I feel incredibly in tune with God. As if he were right there, walking beside me, wiping my tears, holding me close and speaking comforting words just as a Father does. Phew, got tears just writing all that. But seriously, imagine yourself in that moment. Do it. Close your eyes and consider one of the most emotional times in your life. Now look beside you and see God, your Father walking beside you, listening intently, drying your tears and speaking love. WOW!!! I mean really, WOW!!! Truth is HE IS ALWAYS THERE!
So, how in the world do I hold onto that in the midst of this stretching. Stretched is how I am feeling and will continue to feel, I am sure, throughout this entire process. In so many ways, this is an uncomfortable process for me from having to wait on one thing to get to the other, most of it out of my control; to raising funds and asking for donations. Don't get me wrong. I'm still very much at peace with this decision. We have said YES and know this is where God wants us. However, it's just not real comfortable right now. So, again, how do I hold onto his truths, his hands during all of this. How do I let go of control, die to self, and find the courage and boldness to raise funds for my daughter??
Tell me. What would you do for your child? When I consider the small medical issues we have had with our children, I recall my strong desire to want to do everything I possibly could for my child. I wanted to know they were comfortable, safe, felt loved and knew without a doubt I wasn't going to give up on them. I see many mothers with the same intentions, particularly when a child has a life-threatening illness. They put forth all energy, with incredible boldness, courage and strength to do whatever it takes to help their child. SO, here I am, knowing full well that I have a daughter in Haiti who is awaiting us as her forever family. What am I willing to do for my child? To what measure will I go to bring her home? Surely I can be uncomfortable, stretched, and challenged beyond what I ever imagined was possible if it is for my child. Surely I can do that for a short while. And just as elastic can be stretched to the point of no return, so will I be stretched so far that I will never be the same.
Chances are, if you are willing to invest in this journey, time, money, energy, however it may look for you; then you too will be stretched. So, I invite you to join us. Not only on our journey of adoption but in our efforts to be bold, courageous and step out in faith to allow God to stretch you.
Here is a song that has moved me. I don't love the song, but the words speak truth. If we are truly God's hands and feet, then what are we doing? Be bold. Be courageous. Do something.
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