Being the clay

Too often we put God in a box. It's common and we all do it. Our fleshly desires and own expectations get in the way. They blind us from what God has for us and sometimes we even argue with God about it.  This verse came to mind as I was considering my own fleshly desires this week:

"Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; 

we are all the work of your hand."  Isaiah 64:8

This last week was really hard for me. Over spring break I went to Kentucky with a group of people from church. We spent time on a Girl's home campus. These girls are middle and high school aged, and have already experienced life in ways no child ever should. Our interactions with these girls were limited and I found myself disappointed in that fact. I had so much to offer them, including stories of my own past that could possibly relate to some of theirs. My own expectations got in the way of how God wanted to work through me. Don't get me wrong. My interactions with the girls were still great. I shared the love of Christ as best as I could with the restrictions set in place and tried hard to treat them as normal people....which in the end is all they probably desire. God opened other doors on this trip, with people in my own church family. I was able to build and deepen relationships in ways only a trip like this can offer. He also allowed me to see my little boy (or not so little) shine the light of Jesus in ways I never knew he could. His heart had to of doubled in size as he prayed beautifully in front of everyone, with more heartfelt and spot on prayers than even I could do. His servant heart and compassion for others, all while withholding any complaints of the hard work, were an example to ALL on this trip. Even to the very last minute he worked diligently to bring such joy to one precious girl there. My son didn't have the knowledge to analyze the day to day operations, to see past our task at hand and critique the process....not like I did and was. I'm SO glad he didn't. I truly believe he got more out of that trip than I because of that. What an example of being the clay!

So, back to this week being hard. You can imagine after a HIGH like that, watching your child grow so much spiritually, that going into a 'normal routine' week was a bit of a downer. I struggled to find energy and the will to fight for each day and what I needed to accomplish. I found depression trying to set in and failure overtaking. I sensed defeat in my efforts to move forward in this adoption process. Not doubt that we are doing anything wrong, but defeat in the sense that I'm not doing enough. And instead of pressing in, spending more time with God and pushing through....I began to give in. OR maybe I should say I put God in a box. I allowed my flesh, my own expectations to rise above our Lord. OUCH! That stings to admit. So, here I am, with tears in my eyes, attempting to be the clay once again. Letting go of my fleshly desires and allowing my Father to shape me. 

How do I do that? How can you do that? We have child-like faith. We forget about over analyzing, criticizing, and thinking our way is better. We let go, and let God. I heard this song multiple times the other day. I knew God wanted me to get the message, but it isn't until just now that it hit me. I challenge you to listen, read the lyrics and let them sink into your own 'normal routine'. Allow God to mold you, even if it's against everything you ever thought was you! I can tell you, Jason never thought adoption was him, and yet....here we are!!! God always knows best. Let your faith blossom as you rest in the palm of his hand as clay ready to become something more beautiful than you could ever imagine. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UI1obeb3A9c