The Beginning

Sometimes what we see as the beginning, is not the beginning at all. Let me start from my beginning and explain. Over 8 months ago the Lord laid adoption on my heart through a series of 'signs' so to speak. Driving I'd see foster signs, on facebook I followed an acquaintance on her journey to adopt and in my heart I knew I could love any child who came into my home. But, the calling was vague, unclear and something I knew my husband was NOT interested in doing. However, I have learned too many times not to put God in a box. So, I prayed. I listened. I followed. I believed clarity would come in His time.

Well, many months past by and nothing happened.  In October my emotions started on a roller coaster. An all too familiar feeling from years before that I did NOT want to deal with again. I tried to overcome, but noticed it wasn't quite the same. I couldn't control my emotions, because it wasn't the same emotions. On November 18th I sat down at my laptop.  I opened a daily encouragement email I'd been receiving for months but was not consistently reading. There it was again. Adoption. In the form of a devotion. A family that knew they had been blessed abundantly, always having more than enough, decided it was time to share their 'wealth'. They moved furniture around and eventually adopted two girls from Africa. Coincidence?! Maybe. 

About a week later I found myself completely overwhelmed with those emotions again. I sat down to talk business with a coworker. I was hardly focused. It must have shown because he asked how I was doing, outside of work. I fell apart. I gave all the excuses why life was hard at that time; friendships, marriage, finances, blah...blah...blah.  "Okay. Well that doesn't seem so bad." he said.  And he was right. It wasn't really all that. It was really the fact that God was working on my heart again. He was now pushing me forward with the adoption possibility and I wasn't getting it. I shared how God had laid adoption on my heart but I wasn't sure what it meant. My coworker challenged me to spend a morning in prayer, really searching what God desired.

So, a week later (November 27, 2013) I spent a morning in prayer. I searched my heart on the 'normal' life areas and spent time writing. Then I asked God, "Okay Lord. What is it with adoption you want me to do?" Haiti came to mind. "Haiti" I thought. I have no connection to Haiti. You must be thinking of Fiji. (Oh how are minds always want a connection.) "Now what," I thought. I didn't know what to do next, but then recalled the email I had read a couple weeks before. I went to my email inbox and to my surprise the last email I had received was titled The Haiti Challenge. WHAT?! I clicked on the email and kept reading. It was from Family Christian bookstore and encouraged all to shop there over Black Friday weekend because ALL proceeds were going to an orphanage in Haiti called God's Littlest Angels. (I'm sure you can imagine that by now tears are streaming down my face.) I was in a bit of shock and yet excitement started to rise. I looked into God's Littlest Angels and was amazed at what I found. I sensed incredible peace as I left that morning. I knew God was in control and the next step was to share with Jason.

That night I shared with Jason what the Lord had shown me. I think it's safe to say he was in shock. He knew what I spoke was truth, the beginning of a call to something unknown. And yet, it was uncomfortable. I knew he would need time to process, as did I really. So over the next 5-6 weeks we did just that. We didn't discuss it often and prayed about it on our own. We then decided we should connect with someone who has gone through the adoption process.

Now, I have to say that throughout those weeks I had so much peace in my heart, a deeper love for my husband and my emotions leveled out. I was pretty sure God made his calling clear and I just had to wait for the right timing. In fact, God used a man we had just met to give us direction through a vision he saw. Incredible!

In January we spent an evening with a couple from our church who had adopted from Ethiopia years before. They also brought home two girls. It was a fun evening, full of questions and answers about the adoption process. So many questions were asked that I had never even thought of, yet I still had peace. Upon going to bed that night I asked Jason where he was at with things. He didn't have much to say yet. So, we waited, again, for God to move. And He did!

Within a couple of weeks we were connected with a family in Goshen who had recently brought home their little girl from Haiti. They are an amazing family who opened their home to ours for dinner one night. We were able to hear all about their journey, the joys and trials of adoption, and how God moved in their lives. Watching their little girl interact with her siblings and take in everything was such a joy. And when she came over to me and wanted to be picked up and talked to my heart bubbled over. Later I saw her on Jason's lap. I knew, then and there, we were truly doing this. 

So, the next night we asked our children their opinion. We asked how they would feel if we had another little girl. Grant's response, "Wait. We are going to adopt?" He's so smart. He reminded me that I said I wouldn't have any more children. We explained that was our reason for visiting the family the night before to hear their story and meet their daughter. "Ooohhhh, she's adopted?!" Grant exclaims. What a wonderful response to hear. My children saw a family, together, as one, no questions asked. Another confirmation that our children were ready. All boys are excited and Jayla talks of a sister from time to time. I suppose once we have pictures of our daughter they will be able to relate better.  For now, we have chosen an agency and been formally approved. We will begin tons of paperwork and fundraising to move forward. God is BIGGER! We are at peace. 

(I mentioned I was starting at my beginning. To understand the true beginning see my next post. :))